Proving yourself.

Ok, it’s time for a moan on Emma’s part.

 

I don’t know whether it is the same with other female gamers, but I know that in myself I always feel like I have to prove myself. I have to be the best at whatever I play, I have to know the most and if I don’t it comes as a disappointment, not only to those watching what I’m doing but also to myself. I’m so self assured in the fact that this is what I want to do in life, that if I don’t do the best I can, I’m not going to succeed. This is incredibly frustrating when taking into fact that I don’t really have time to game, and every time I do I feel incredibly guilty. Having A levels and parents and cars and money to think about isn’t really a good combination when you want to make something like video gaming an important aspect of your life, because really, it is a hobby. And I’d love to be a proper hardcore gamer, instead of this kind of pretend hard core gamer because I lack the time and energy to game. I get incredibly frustrated when I see people I know having time to do it and not feeling guilty because they should be doing work or something along those lines. I want to spend ALL MY TIME just playing and playing and learning about everything but I’m not allowed, I’m stopped by these stupid rules that say painting a stupid bloody caricature is more important that focusing on the area that I want to make my life revolve around.

 

/Rant