Games Characters in their day jobs

Fame doesn’t last forever. They have to do something, and by golly if they want to support their glamorous and adventurous lifestyles then they’ll have to find something they’re good at pretty fast, or else down the job center it is, and soon they’ll be on the streets drinking tramp juice outside of Euston Station asking every poor soul who passes if they recognise who they are....

1) John Marston: FARMER

 

John Marston: Left the old (Exciting) life behind.

So you skinned those 5839207523 animals. So you herded those buffalo and fell asleep in the process. Soldier (cowboy) I think you’re ready for the farmers lifestyle! No more bandits! No more sombreros! Just cows, chicken and weight gain! I’d like to think that John Marston’s farming lifestyle led to the development of Lurpak.

2. Sackboy: PIN CUSHION

Little Big Planet became corrupt, with politicians philandering with their points bubbles and getting all the sack girls up the duff. Sackboy couldn’t take it anymore and moved back to the real world. Having to proof of existence in this reality, the only job he could get was in a child labour factory in Taiwan working as a pincushion. Depressing as this is, his appearance did cheer up the kids.

3: Cole: TUBE POWER-UPPER

 

Lots of spare time and a move to London meant that TFL (Transport for London) guilt tripped Cole into powering the tube system for London. Not only are the working hours terrible, but Cole is often known to show evil tendencies to making the northern line go 120mph if he’s in a bad mood.

4: Drake: VOICE ACTOR

 

Of course, if you’ve ever played a game, you’ve probably seen or heard the name NOLAN NORTH. And I imagine if Drake was real, he would end up just exactly like Nolan North, since Nolan North practically is Drake anyway. The near future would spawn the release of Artifical Voice Intelligence, and it the lack of work Drake would become a bum.

Real life places Glados’ voice should be used.

About 3 weeks ago I finished Portal 2. I loved it. It was fantastic. And the best bit about it was hearing Glados’ voice in a much more relaxed (and mean) environment. I found myself just standing still for all the bits she was speaking, and then when Cave Johnson came along..well..need I expand?

And so this got me thinking, Glados’ voice should be used elsewhere in life. My day would be so much better if it was. And valve could get the royalties from it.

1) IN LIFTS

Imagine that. You’re on that journey up to the 666th floor again, by yourself, and you hear ‘Hello there, by yourself..again?’. The witty jabs she’d get in over that long journey would be pure gold. Throw in a few sentries guns and companion cubes and it would make your morning so much more interesting. Just think how pissed off she’d be at being installed in a lift system aswell. Amazing.

 

2) ON THE TUBE

Strikes are already rife and cause daily problems on the tube (I should know), but imagine how the daily grind would be affected letting Glados do the announcements. Jibes about hefty women blocking exits and rush hour problems being solved with traps-doors-into-fiery-pits and sentry guns, the journey to work would be like Portal 3. I think she’d replace oyster cards with companion cubes as well, causing the overcrowding to get to ridiculous levels.

 

3) Air traffic control

Lets just say, if this situation ever arose, many many more series of air crash investigation would be aired (LOL, SEE WHAT I DID THERE) and the national geographic channel wouldn’t play anything else. I don’t think Glados would settle for just telling the planes where to land either, and on many occasions totally take control of them. 'To board this plane, passengers must navigate this course of glass walls and sentry guns only using their shoes as shields. Any seats left over seats of dead passengers will be filled with more sentries guns. Enjoy your flight with Aperture Airlines’.

4) Sports commentary

Glados would see sports as a perfect opportunity to implement some well learnt test tactics on the players. Why play football with goals when you can redesign the whole game to make the players knock down turrets with the ball? Why hit tennis balls across a fence when, teamed with repulsion gel, you can use yourself as the ball and tennis suddenly becomes a 3 player game? Teamed with GLados’ witty banter, sports would become a whole lot more appealing for me.

5)News Reader

Glados has an opinion on everything, and its usually negative. Also, given that she needs to test and it is written into her personality, normal news would be interspaced with news of scientists testing weird things on humans and seeing those strange outcomes. News programs would suddenly become channels for Glados to broadcast videos of her testing various test subjects in different states of terror, and maybe we would even see Chell complete Portal 2 in third person!

Internship

I'm at WORK at MEDIATONIC (I still love saying that) Yes, as you've probably guessed I went to the interview and got it, and started last week (That's the first of June). Obviously I can't say what I'm working on till it comes out, but all I'll say is it's an amazing game that's extremely addictive, making testing very fun.

I've been working mainly on level design, and a lot of exporting files and testing. Actually I think I've exported nearly 300 files in a week, which is kind of crazy. Level design is fun, and challenging. I find it fascinating seeing how each variable in the levels changes the difficulty, and how amazing it can be trying to get this right (Also very time consuming).

I kind of wish I was working more on the art side, but beggars can't be choosers and that job is being filled by some very talented people and some more year long internships (Who have all just graduated, so comparatively I'm very young compared to everyone else who is here).

In terms of the company, it's incredibly relaxed and I am incredibly envious of people working here full time. The first day I came in, I was sat down and told that YES I am allowed to go on facebook, and Paul (The boss; young, fun and incredibly talented) takes everyone out in the company for a meal at the end of every month and PAYS. Theres just a fridge full of drinks downstairs that you can just help yourself to, and all my meals and travel is paid for.

Because of this, I would say to anyone studying games or wanting to get in the industry (YES, I'm looking at you future prospective UCLAN Games design student) to do everything you can to get at internship. I've been here a week and I've already learnt a tonne about how the company works, and how each role in a team works together to produce a game. I don't think this is something you can learn while at university, especially if you are on a course when you don't really interact with the other games professions (i.e. Producers, Coders, Animators, all who work incredibly close together and interact with eachother all day long).

If you're worried about finding at internship too, DON'T BE. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Just try your hardest anyway. I emailed about 493423083902 companies in London...They must have my name on some kind of *BEWARE* list because of all the times I bugged them. Seriously though, they were incredibly helpful and kind (KUDOS to Nintendo and MediaMolecule, who sent me innumerable links and advice to help me) something which is unexpected of companies who are busy so much of the time.

Anyway, yes, internship = good. Travelling in London = Bad. My god, the tube. I live 12 miles away and it takes me an hour and a half to get home most of the time. A PAIN IN THE ARSE considering I'm working full time, Monday - Friday, 9.30AM - 6PM.

So: Also in normal life away from Central London (THERE IS ONE, WHO KNEW?!?_

- I finished Portal 2, amazing game, absolutely obsessed: http://rain.nxe7.com/

- Some more art (Which I miraculously did in between everything else, somehow. No I don't know either)