A girl in the games design industry.

I can safely say that this week I will be making my choice for which games design course I’m going for, and I think it’s pretty much set that it’s gonna be UCLAN!

Can’t wait.

But I just wanted to say that one of the main reasons for going is the way I felt there, because the leader of the course is a girl.

Anyway, I feel like shit so I’m gonna sleep now, so don’t expect any witty banter anytime soon.

Sidekicks: The best of.

I think sometimes these guys make games. Sometimes ruin them. *Glares at Sheva*

1. Dogmeat.

Ok, before I write anything, NEVER put dogmeat into google without putting Fallout afterward *Will never be the same again*

Anyway, this dog gives me the fuzzies :D I can’t stand it if he dies, which only led me to using the puppies perk.

2. Daxter

 I know loads of people find him irritating, but I think he makes the Jak and Daxter games :D PSP games shit though.

3. Companion Cube

You just can’t let that inanimate object go can you?

4. Clank   If he was human I’d do him.

Games that make me feel like HELL YEAH!!!!!!

Adrenalin, my favorite of all the hormones and neuro-transmitters.

1. Mirror’s Edge I can safely tell you I still get close to weeing myself killing that last BASTARDO in the shard, even though I’ve completed it well over 14 times and managed to get 2 platinum's for it.

2. BioshockYou’re going round in that biosphere and Andrew Ryan’s voice is melting in your ears, and there, suddenly, there it is, Rapture. Gets me every time.

3. Tomb Raider Last Revelations. – Coastal Ruins

I’m not joking when I say that this is the best level I remember playing from my childhood. You walk up and the camera spins with the sun setting. All in graphics that make you wanna puke, amazing.

4. Oasis – Fallout 3

You know that searching through those cliff faces to find that well hidden path with always be worth it when you see that fresh green against the squalid beige and bleach colours. 

5. Dead Space – Landing on the Ishimura.

 

My god, this game. I’ve never been quite so close to shitting myself in the first 5 minutes of a game before, But the adrenalin rush you get when you see your first necromorph…bloody hell. I played this game in a time in my life when I was particularly fucked up and it’s really stuck with me.

6. Paradise City – Crackdown

Oooh, to have all that possibility at your finger tips, so many nooks and crannies to explore and find new things and drive and jump and kill and kick its breath taking. 

7. Capitol Building – Fallout 3 It really sinks in how big the capital wasteland is when you see that for the first time. As with crackdown, you start to realize that you really never will ever COMPLETE this game. It’s like trying to see everything in the whole world

8. Mount Olympus – God of War

. Walking up those stairs at the end of God of War, you really feel like you’ve suceeded. 

My video game tea party, with enemies of the pixilated world.

So we all have these, they infuriate you but given the chance you’d invite them to your Sunday Tea Party to hear their life story. I will fill you in on what I heard about them all last week.

1. Mister Mirelurk: Fallout 3

Raised in the backstreets of Washington DC, Mister Mirelurk knows a hard life. Constantly teased for his resemblance to a gonorrhea ridden vagina and always being shot in the face when he tries to approach potential friends,  he ended up starring on Cilla Black’s 514th edition of Blind Date and ending up with a supermutant at the age of 102.

2. Master Head, Silent Hill Although hard to get to know at first through him constantly trying to rape you, Pyramid head is a darling. Not only does he know how to make a smashing Earl Grey, he can tell you the mystical sexual property of any household object.

3. Madame WitchShe really makes the party if you bring along a karaoke. Apart from that her warbling gets pretty alarming if you break out the digestives (Reminds her of a past life, supposedly) and she has really bad dress sense.

4. Super mutant BEHEMOTH I originally didn’t invite this lovely chap because he wouldn’t fit in our venue (Check below) but Mister Mirelurk greatly insisted that we should because he has rather good crack.

The venue of this years tea party. An extension had to be build to accommodate Mister Behemoth.

5. Such a laugh, can never keep himself in control and someone usually ends up losing a limb, but we all remember its just fun and games. 

Women who should have been men. (Not just in games mind you)

So I promised the polarized version of the last post. Here goes.

1. Samus Aran

It would have saved the developers time and money by not having to make a model of her without the costume. A stopped a million wanks.

2. Princess Zelda

Making Link gay would have attracted the homosexual audience and in general made me want to play the game more.

3. Bella.

Again, bring in homosexuality to a mainly Mormon book would have not only attracted both male and female readers, it would have made me giggle. Nyehehee.

4. Ashley Graham – Resi 4   

Imagine how wrong it would be, Leon being followed round by a small boy. There’s pedophilia in there somewhere.

5. Exactly the same, but men. In the same costume. 

Men characters that should have been women.

Don't worry, before you get all defensive I'm going to do a women ----> men one later. But of course, because of the raging feminist inside of me, this one comes first.

1. Pacman



He could have been genderless until the one with the bow came along. Apart from the fact that he's got man in his name. Sexist pig.

2. Louis, Francis and Bill



Imagine the outcry of only one male. Oh god forbid! "Our sex being put in the majority, could you even imagine!"

3. TF2- Sniper, solider, Heavy, Engineer, Scout, Spy, Demoman, Medic, and it's questionable whether the Pyro is actually male.




I could finally play that game without having to be the pyro

4.Kratos



I don't think he necessarily SHOULD have been a woman, I just think it would be rather interesting to see the concept in action.

5. Bowzer



Stick a wig and some titties on there and you've got a whole new game

6. Max Payne.



Maxine Payne. What more can I say?

The ‘Hey! That’s a girl game!’ list

We all suffer from this. Girls that is, not you men folk. *Playing gears of war* Hey shouldn’t you be playing ‘insert crappy generic girls game here’ and making me a ‘insert some kind of mid morning snack here’

1. I played it for 5 minutes and the crime scene clean up guys nearly had to be called in.

2. Mariokart my god. My god. MY GOD. MY GOD. PLEASE NO MORE.

3. The generic pony game

A fast and quick solution to horse fetishes.

 

4. A simple solution for all pedophiles. (I’m glad I had to sp. that word.)

5. For some reason, they think all women can sing. Oh boy, were they wrong.

6. Whoever fucking dances like that in really life needs to be checked for Parkinson’s.

7.   YAY! YOU CAN SOLVE MINOR PUZZLES THROUGH USING A SMALL PHALLIC STICK! Now you can kill yourself knowing your life was fulfilled. ~.~

8 Enjoyed by all, the majority of who are teenage girls who want to live out pixilated fantasies with Edward Cullen,or as we can see, America’s next top model.

9. Because you know your little loved one would kill the real thing.

10.

I could never kill a child. Unless they bought this. I don’t think I’d go to jail either.

Best games to make yourself wee with anticipation.

So today I found out I have a urine infection so my blog post is all things URINE! :D

1. Behead the undead - TimesplittersYou’re on it for an hour, beheading those festering bastards, and you hit gold. You more or less have full health, so you ask your boyfriend, HEY, what’s platinum. 50,000 you say?  I SHALL PLAY TILL 50,000 AND THEN DIE AND BASK IN PLATINUM GLORY.  You die. Turns out it wasn’t 50,000 after all. BEAR IN  MIND YOU GET 75 POINTS A HEADSHOT!!

2. Jak X.

Nothing can explain the feeling of coming 2nd in the last minute after a 10 minute race.

3. Joust

Oooh god those feathery twats, all magnificent in there jumping and jousting and then let you down so you always have to see your name second on the leader board.

4. SSX 3

  You see that children? That’s my childhood incorporated into a mountain. And you see those squiqqles and dots? Yes, each one of those is a slope! And guess what, the final race/freestyle is along all of those, and takes a magnificent half hour. Oh, the fun of realizing you’re not gonna do it at 28:00

5. Left 4 dead

Yup, your just about zombie free and comes and gives you a bit of inglorious bashing and of you go of the building. Weeee, there goes my dignity, again. 

Proving yourself.

Ok, it’s time for a moan on Emma’s part.

 

I don’t know whether it is the same with other female gamers, but I know that in myself I always feel like I have to prove myself. I have to be the best at whatever I play, I have to know the most and if I don’t it comes as a disappointment, not only to those watching what I’m doing but also to myself. I’m so self assured in the fact that this is what I want to do in life, that if I don’t do the best I can, I’m not going to succeed. This is incredibly frustrating when taking into fact that I don’t really have time to game, and every time I do I feel incredibly guilty. Having A levels and parents and cars and money to think about isn’t really a good combination when you want to make something like video gaming an important aspect of your life, because really, it is a hobby. And I’d love to be a proper hardcore gamer, instead of this kind of pretend hard core gamer because I lack the time and energy to game. I get incredibly frustrated when I see people I know having time to do it and not feeling guilty because they should be doing work or something along those lines. I want to spend ALL MY TIME just playing and playing and learning about everything but I’m not allowed, I’m stopped by these stupid rules that say painting a stupid bloody caricature is more important that focusing on the area that I want to make my life revolve around.

 

/Rant

Worst womanly characters.

Continuing on from ‘The top womanly characters’ I thought I might as well have a bit of a moan about the shameful edge of the female character area of gaming.

1. Princess Peach ~.~ She can just get lost because I hate her stupid high voice and her pink dress makes me feel sick. The same goes for frigging mini baby peach, the little shit.

2. Jungle Queen ~.~ TimesplittersPlease put your titties away :( It makes me cringe and it makes me sad and when you girate your pelvis I want to quit gaming and go out and try to be as skinny as I can.

3.  Sofia Lamb ~.~ Bioshock 2

I hate you and your stupid child abuse ways and your stupid doped up on match sticks voice. I hate you.

4. Chloe Frazer ~.~ Uncharted 2: Among thieves

Damn you and your sexuality you stupid woman, I can’t decide whether I like you or hate you so you’re going here anyway.

5. Doctor Li ~.~ Fallout 3

Stop being such an unhelpful bitch, I’m gonna steal your carrots!!!