About 3 weeks ago I finished Portal 2. I loved it. It was fantastic. And the best bit about it was hearing Glados’ voice in a much more relaxed (and mean) environment. I found myself just standing still for all the bits she was speaking, and then when Cave Johnson came along..well..need I expand?
And so this got me thinking, Glados’ voice should be used elsewhere in life. My day would be so much better if it was. And valve could get the royalties from it.
1) IN LIFTS
Imagine that. You’re on that journey up to the 666th floor again, by yourself, and you hear ‘Hello there, by yourself..again?’. The witty jabs she’d get in over that long journey would be pure gold. Throw in a few sentries guns and companion cubes and it would make your morning so much more interesting. Just think how pissed off she’d be at being installed in a lift system aswell. Amazing.
2) ON THE TUBE
Strikes are already rife and cause daily problems on the tube (I should know), but imagine how the daily grind would be affected letting Glados do the announcements. Jibes about hefty women blocking exits and rush hour problems being solved with traps-doors-into-fiery-pits and sentry guns, the journey to work would be like Portal 3. I think she’d replace oyster cards with companion cubes as well, causing the overcrowding to get to ridiculous levels.
3) Air traffic control
Lets just say, if this situation ever arose, many many more series of air crash investigation would be aired (LOL, SEE WHAT I DID THERE) and the national geographic channel wouldn’t play anything else. I don’t think Glados would settle for just telling the planes where to land either, and on many occasions totally take control of them. 'To board this plane, passengers must navigate this course of glass walls and sentry guns only using their shoes as shields. Any seats left over seats of dead passengers will be filled with more sentries guns. Enjoy your flight with Aperture Airlines’.
4) Sports commentary
Glados would see sports as a perfect opportunity to implement some well learnt test tactics on the players. Why play football with goals when you can redesign the whole game to make the players knock down turrets with the ball? Why hit tennis balls across a fence when, teamed with repulsion gel, you can use yourself as the ball and tennis suddenly becomes a 3 player game? Teamed with GLados’ witty banter, sports would become a whole lot more appealing for me.
5)News Reader
Glados has an opinion on everything, and its usually negative. Also, given that she needs to test and it is written into her personality, normal news would be interspaced with news of scientists testing weird things on humans and seeing those strange outcomes. News programs would suddenly become channels for Glados to broadcast videos of her testing various test subjects in different states of terror, and maybe we would even see Chell complete Portal 2 in third person!
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