Men characters that should have been women.

Don't worry, before you get all defensive I'm going to do a women ----> men one later. But of course, because of the raging feminist inside of me, this one comes first.

1. Pacman



He could have been genderless until the one with the bow came along. Apart from the fact that he's got man in his name. Sexist pig.

2. Louis, Francis and Bill



Imagine the outcry of only one male. Oh god forbid! "Our sex being put in the majority, could you even imagine!"

3. TF2- Sniper, solider, Heavy, Engineer, Scout, Spy, Demoman, Medic, and it's questionable whether the Pyro is actually male.




I could finally play that game without having to be the pyro

4.Kratos



I don't think he necessarily SHOULD have been a woman, I just think it would be rather interesting to see the concept in action.

5. Bowzer



Stick a wig and some titties on there and you've got a whole new game

6. Max Payne.



Maxine Payne. What more can I say?

The ‘Hey! That’s a girl game!’ list

We all suffer from this. Girls that is, not you men folk. *Playing gears of war* Hey shouldn’t you be playing ‘insert crappy generic girls game here’ and making me a ‘insert some kind of mid morning snack here’

1. I played it for 5 minutes and the crime scene clean up guys nearly had to be called in.

2. Mariokart my god. My god. MY GOD. MY GOD. PLEASE NO MORE.

3. The generic pony game

A fast and quick solution to horse fetishes.

 

4. A simple solution for all pedophiles. (I’m glad I had to sp. that word.)

5. For some reason, they think all women can sing. Oh boy, were they wrong.

6. Whoever fucking dances like that in really life needs to be checked for Parkinson’s.

7.   YAY! YOU CAN SOLVE MINOR PUZZLES THROUGH USING A SMALL PHALLIC STICK! Now you can kill yourself knowing your life was fulfilled. ~.~

8 Enjoyed by all, the majority of who are teenage girls who want to live out pixilated fantasies with Edward Cullen,or as we can see, America’s next top model.

9. Because you know your little loved one would kill the real thing.

10.

I could never kill a child. Unless they bought this. I don’t think I’d go to jail either.

Best games to make yourself wee with anticipation.

So today I found out I have a urine infection so my blog post is all things URINE! :D

1. Behead the undead - TimesplittersYou’re on it for an hour, beheading those festering bastards, and you hit gold. You more or less have full health, so you ask your boyfriend, HEY, what’s platinum. 50,000 you say?  I SHALL PLAY TILL 50,000 AND THEN DIE AND BASK IN PLATINUM GLORY.  You die. Turns out it wasn’t 50,000 after all. BEAR IN  MIND YOU GET 75 POINTS A HEADSHOT!!

2. Jak X.

Nothing can explain the feeling of coming 2nd in the last minute after a 10 minute race.

3. Joust

Oooh god those feathery twats, all magnificent in there jumping and jousting and then let you down so you always have to see your name second on the leader board.

4. SSX 3

  You see that children? That’s my childhood incorporated into a mountain. And you see those squiqqles and dots? Yes, each one of those is a slope! And guess what, the final race/freestyle is along all of those, and takes a magnificent half hour. Oh, the fun of realizing you’re not gonna do it at 28:00

5. Left 4 dead

Yup, your just about zombie free and comes and gives you a bit of inglorious bashing and of you go of the building. Weeee, there goes my dignity, again. 

Proving yourself.

Ok, it’s time for a moan on Emma’s part.

 

I don’t know whether it is the same with other female gamers, but I know that in myself I always feel like I have to prove myself. I have to be the best at whatever I play, I have to know the most and if I don’t it comes as a disappointment, not only to those watching what I’m doing but also to myself. I’m so self assured in the fact that this is what I want to do in life, that if I don’t do the best I can, I’m not going to succeed. This is incredibly frustrating when taking into fact that I don’t really have time to game, and every time I do I feel incredibly guilty. Having A levels and parents and cars and money to think about isn’t really a good combination when you want to make something like video gaming an important aspect of your life, because really, it is a hobby. And I’d love to be a proper hardcore gamer, instead of this kind of pretend hard core gamer because I lack the time and energy to game. I get incredibly frustrated when I see people I know having time to do it and not feeling guilty because they should be doing work or something along those lines. I want to spend ALL MY TIME just playing and playing and learning about everything but I’m not allowed, I’m stopped by these stupid rules that say painting a stupid bloody caricature is more important that focusing on the area that I want to make my life revolve around.

 

/Rant

Worst womanly characters.

Continuing on from ‘The top womanly characters’ I thought I might as well have a bit of a moan about the shameful edge of the female character area of gaming.

1. Princess Peach ~.~ She can just get lost because I hate her stupid high voice and her pink dress makes me feel sick. The same goes for frigging mini baby peach, the little shit.

2. Jungle Queen ~.~ TimesplittersPlease put your titties away :( It makes me cringe and it makes me sad and when you girate your pelvis I want to quit gaming and go out and try to be as skinny as I can.

3.  Sofia Lamb ~.~ Bioshock 2

I hate you and your stupid child abuse ways and your stupid doped up on match sticks voice. I hate you.

4. Chloe Frazer ~.~ Uncharted 2: Among thieves

Damn you and your sexuality you stupid woman, I can’t decide whether I like you or hate you so you’re going here anyway.

5. Doctor Li ~.~ Fallout 3

Stop being such an unhelpful bitch, I’m gonna steal your carrots!!!

When you’re a girl gamer..

1. Guys expect that you don’t do anything girly. Yes, actually, I:

- Love sex and the city – DO actually wear makeup – Love shopping – Don’t want to necessarily talk about games all the time – No it’s not all I do.

2. You get the brunt force of sexism in modern day society.

- I got told to make a sandwich long before the facebook groups. – Have been verbally abused then hit on by the same person. – No one will accept that you want this to lead onto your career

3. You get strange looks when you go in games shops by yourself.

- No I’m not with a male! Does that surprise you? – Even the women working there look shocked ~.~

4. On the internet, you ARE NOT A WOMAN

- So you sign into steam, go onto TF2 maybe, maybe L4D, and type ‘HELLO’ and it’s you INSTANTLY transform into a male! ‘Lady, uh? I bet your a guy’. *Talks into microphone* THAT’S A 14 YEAR OLD GUY!.

5. You always suspect your mother wants you to be girlier.

-She really probably doesn’t, but I always seen that look of  PFFFFT when you go and play a game

Top womanly characters.

1. LARA Could there be another Lara? I don’t think so. No one would tell her to make them a sandwich. Nuh uh.

2. FAITHShe slides along the floor and kicks men in the balls. My kind of woman!

3. SHEVAWe’ll forgive her for the titty bearing costumes and mineless blabbering. ‘PARTNERS, TILL THE END!’

4. VIOLAShe made it through Free Radical development with no bits hanging out so she makes it into my good books.

5. It made my day when I picked up borderlands and it had a female character. I’m so sad.